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Leaving a committed life

Leaving a committed life

My heart was pounding so fast, I could feel my ribs fighting so hard to remain within the confines of my skin.

I had goose bumps all over my body like a young virgin wooed by the prince of Dubai. My crooked heavy steps were a perfect replica of my mind's condition. Should I go home or should I walk up to her? I've never been so indecisive in my life.

But there she was the cause of my apprehension, her eyes gleaming with delight as she hugs her friend goodbye.

The rays of the setting sun adorned her fair skin as she stood waiting for a cab. With her wig curls falling around her shoulder, she looked ravishing in her silk gown.

           The more I approached her the more frazzled I became. The only thing calm within me was my neatly folded letter that I had written five days prior to that day, it was safely tucked away in my book.

 Everything within me was begging to go home but my resolve gave me a chance of doubt. If I go home with this letter today again,  then I'm done, case closed. After all I'm married to Jesus. Lol. To cut the long story short, I walked up to her and said, "hey!
She turned around grinning sheepishly like she was waiting for me. Actually I think she was!
       I reached for my letter and said, take". She collected it and before she could rase her head, yours faithfully was already meters away from her. I was so embarrassed, I was literally running home to the loving embrass of my cozy bed. There's a whole lot more juice to this story but I'll stop there.

        You can term this scenario what you deem fit, fear, timidity or shyness but for me back then. My problem then was more of "what do I say" than fear or timidity. Despite my teenage exuberance, I was able to ruminate on this experience till I got to that root cause, okay what I thought was the root cause but either way, it was a bitter truth.

I realized that prior to that day I had not really initiated any meaningful relationship with anybody, especially the female folks. I'm not implying that I lacked friends or good relationships but that this relationships are founded on nothing serious. More like the kind of relationship a sex worker has with her clients.

 My neighbor, my classmate, my church member, my online friend, my teammate, my teacher, my friend's friend, my customer and so on. The majority of this relationships just serve as emotional and social support for me.

 It may sound ridiculous but its true and there's no way its peculiar to me alone. Take a moment to think about all your so called friends and ask your self, how many of this people I'm I really COMMITTED to? Commitment is way more than "gisting" {chatting} and having occational fun together. What i'm I really capable of sacrificing in the bid to keep the relationship.

         A honest reflection will help you realize that majority of this relationship are just "scratch my back I scratch your back" relationships. Things like,
     Hey! You look stunning today. Really?
           Thanks you too.
     Hello shade, can you mark me present? Okay, no issh.
          Elo Bae, Elo boo.
      Whenever this kind of relationship is severed, we only act as humans by expressing various feelings that comes with breakups. In reality, the truth is nothing changed. If you decide to act indifferent to the break up you will realize this truth especially if you are the initiator.

          The ease and randomness through which one makes "friends" online is gradually sapping away the value of commitment in relationships and worst still is the intense depletion of our ubiquitous friendship filter.

The task of making a thousand plus friends online in a week is as easy as guiding a spoonful of ice cream to your mouth. Gone are the days when there has to be a reason or atleast some kind of connection for any relationship.

 I must admit I was once guilty of this myself. When I opened my first facebook account, I remember how I just randomly sent friend requests based on profile pics. Something like:
      Wooh! She's damn cute, zoom! Friendiee.
   Hmmm, I kinda like his suit, we could be friends you know.. Yipeee!

   Believe me, hundreds accepted my friend request and that's it, we became just FB friends and nothing more except for a few exception. Now I the truth is I met some really incredible persons online but that's an exception rather than the norm.

Now imagine I had to approach all this people individually, do you think it will be on the basis I highlighted above? Hmmm? Now you see what I'm talking about.

         About a year ago I decided I would never initiate a conversation online with someone in my vicinity for the first time. If the relationship is so important to me then I have to meet the person face to face and start up a conversation, then we can follow up online.

 I made that decision because of my tendency of searching up people online that I had no balls of confronting in real life. I broke this rule once and I was so ashamed of myself that I ended that relationship.

 I can't overstate how valuable that simple decision has turned out to be for me. We are gradually breeding a generation that would rather hide behind the screen(cowardice) than get out there and face reality.

         As I stated earlier, this truth is bitter but it must be SAID, HEARD AND ADHERED TO so our social and cultural values can be salvaged. Let's be committed to consciously building quality relationships with our children, parents, coworkers, sibling and friends. The relationship that would stand the test of time is not built on a faulty or virtual foundation.

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